The Butcher Knife
by Kat Bee Dee
Summary: Kiss it goodbye.  State your closing argument.  Say your final words, and leave.


_Myka Bering is property of Warehouse 13 and I promise to return her kindly when I'm done. Warehouse 13 belongs to the authorities living among you. I claim nothing but the phrase "Watch your backs, they watch you when you're sleeping. Kinda like Sandy Claws."_

_By the way-TheGothAndTheGLeek owns second person ;) Props to her for writing such fantastic fics and thanks a thousand for inspiring me to think outside my little past tense, third person box!_

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The Butcher Knife

Kiss it goodbye. State your closing argument. Say your final words, and leave. This is the last stand. This is the end. You have reached the point of no return.

Pretend nothing ever happened, pretend you did not care. Think back but never regret. There is nothing there to regret. You know nothing good could have come from staying.

Kiss goodbye the hopes and dreams and fantasies of a life you could have formed there. Throw it in the dirt, but try not to spit on it, just to spite yourself. Wish that you had never stumbled upon this place and this point in your life, but don't pass the blame where it does not belong. Run to the end of the pier and dive headlong off the end. It's all behind you now. But now you feel the icy waters filling your lungs and chilling your bones once more.

You are drowning in it now. You cannot swim this ocean. You cannot even see the other shore, how did you expect to cross? But you already took the leap, you have to swim now. Kick yourself inwardly and move forward without looking back. Do not look back at the sandy beach behind you. The happiness from which you run.

You said you would not regret, but you do. You regret so much. You feel you have failed in so many ways and now you have failed again. You fail, you run, you hide. When will you stop running? When will you stop hiding? When you stop failing.

They deserved better, did they not? Something better than you. You have never measured up. You have never reached the bar set so far overhead. Who could set a bar so high? Would the truth be that no one set it there but you?

So go ahead. Run. Hide. Take the leap. Swim that ocean. But when you get where you are going, it will not be worth it. It will never be worth it. It will never measure up to your standard of what life should be. Today will never be what you thought it would be yesterday.

Why? Why will you never let anyone in? Why will you never let anyone care? Is it a lifelong sentence you have been given to torture yourself? You do not want to be alone. No one wants to be alone. So, why? Why do you hold everyone at arms length? Why are they not allowed near you? Do you truly believe that everyone you meet will hurt you the way you have been hurt? You cannot truly believe that. No one does. But, maybe you do. Maybe everyone, even the people who love you most, secretly want to take advantage of you and leave you on the ground holding your bleeding heart.

You sliced it into pieces a long time ago. You know you did. The first time you looked, afraid, into those harsh, angry eyes, you blamed yourself and ripped your heart out. And you still hate yourself for looking in the mirror to find those furious, pale eyes staring back. You did it again when you sought comfort and guidance in your most awkward years. But no one cared. Or else it seemed that way. You did it again when you left home, and again when you tried to be the pride and joy you never were; failing again. The last time you did it was when you sought out and found the solace you longed for in the most wrong—and yet so right—place, only to have it ripped away from you in a climatic instant. And then you walked into the big mess of a place you just fled, bleeding, broken, and scarred. You nursed your wounds and picked yourself back up, disallowing help but receiving it nonetheless.

So why are you running? Nothing happened. No one hurt you. For the first time in your entire life you felt like you belonged. You felt more cared for than you ever have before. Why are you running? You felt safe.

Only the problem with feeling safe is the part where you let your guard down. And the problem with letting your guard down is that when you do so, you always get hurt. It has happened to you numerously in the past. What reason have you to believe that it will not happen again, right now? So reject safety. Cast it aside and plunge back into that ocean of hurt and fear. Do it again. Put your scarred heart on the cutting board and dice away. I will personally hand you the butcher knife.


End file.
